just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
