Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
