So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
