I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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