Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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