the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
