dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
