I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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