Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
