I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
