yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
