I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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