Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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