i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
