i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
