are you so shy because you have an std?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
porn star boner night. come get it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize