You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
