Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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