Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
