I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize