OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
