You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
