i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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