my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
