I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
