i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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