Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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