I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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