Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
