Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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