Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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