I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
