I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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