I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
