How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize