whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
