He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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