He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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