If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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