U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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