New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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