in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
