So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
as a side note pls kill me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
