i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize