Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
time to smoke my breakfast
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
