I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
