I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
