if you like me you must not know who I am
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
