I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
