One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
