It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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