The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
