this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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