Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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