so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
