Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Actions speak louder than pants.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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