so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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