i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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