Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
