i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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