i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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