I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
