Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize