Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
