Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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