i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
