All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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