I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
